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Trial: A Turnabout of Song and Magic 
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:55 am
Posts: 54
Gender: Female
Spoken languages: English
Heeeeelllloooo, AAO forum! Have a newly-minted case from a newly-minted member!

I present to you... A Turnabout of Song and Magic!

I want a sparkly font to make that glitzier.

First, a plot teaser!

One day, Apollo is roped into defending an alluring songstress said to be responsible for killing her boyfriend. When his new co-council is revealed to be part of a family with strange powers, he becomes wrapped up in a strange new world, one dictated by song and magic!

(...I tried.)

Second, disclaimers!

Like I said... newly-minted case, newly-minted member. This suffers from First Case Syndrome, so keep up a steady mantra of "First case first case first case first case" unless something is just BAD. ;3; However, I am, of course, still accepting critiques, though critiques on the not-technical stuff (like the story and... the logic, even though I fail logic forever) will go a bit further with me than Case Editor things that need to be done (but only because I'm still not 100% skilled with it yet and... I'm a bit tired of messing with frames, that's all :'D), most likely. I only ask that you get detailed on how I could fix problems- like, suggest specific things I could use to patch up a scene, for instance.

So, in short: It's my first case, but I hope it has an interesting presentation and narrative that can make up for the technical flaws.

Third, an Easter Egg!

Don't open this till your Co-Council asks you the last question at the end, and if you can't figure out what to present!

Spoiler : :
When Clair asks you what could calm Franziska down, present Fattycakes the Puffski's profile. You might get a laugh out of what happens.


Alright, I think that should be it! Have a link, and enjoy!

http://aceattorney.sparklin.org/jeu.php?id_proces=34064

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Sat Feb 04, 2012 6:34 am
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Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 10:53 pm
Posts: 5376
Location: Under a bridge
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: American
Spoiler : :
I'm going to be nitpicky. Because yaaaaaay =D


It should just be "Blissful Bluff", not "On the Blissful Bluff"

I would say scrap the timestamp at the beginning, and make this intro auto-advance with wait timers. (...But add some "Loaded. Click below to play!" frame at the beginning. Because it's annoying if it starts out auto-advancing, since you tab out to wait for the trial to load, and you tab in to find out you missed the intro)

lolwut is this song xD

zomg not the Crone! D:

You don't need to tell us when you add the attorney's badge to the CR :P It's 'just there'

lol, there's lots of garish stuff here, Polly :P

That office scene was completely unnecessary. I'd cut it.

You don't need the "Played by" at the end of the profiles xD You could also make the profiles a bit shorter. For instance, Amanda's could be "My client. Sings and plays guitar in a duo with her sister." ...Oh, and it's also nice to have everyone's age :3

Thoughts should still have the dialogue blips

Wait why is there a check on the attorney's badge? XD

Should be vocal cHords.

You don't need to say that his profile was added; just give it to us

You don't have to give EVERY evidence a check; the regular description of the knife and badge are enough

Franzy should probably capitalize a bit more on the fact that the knife has Amanda's fingerprints ^^'

For some reason the injury report was added a frame after the "Injury Report added to Court Record" frame o.O

The wait timer for Franzy's curtsey should be a bit longer

Franzy should ask Tilly to state her name and occupation before anything else

You don't really need that music between the testimony and the cross-examination

The music starts a frame too early on the cross-examination

You don't need that long description of the photo in its regular description; you can put it in the check

zomg you can't add the photo to the court record twice. *thumbs up*

In that contradictory statement, maybe in the press convo, maybe make it a bit more clear that Tilly means that there were only the two of them

woooooooooow that's a lot of different talk conversations

zomg I did all the talk convos and examined the gloves, why can't I go on? ;_;

oh noez fattycakes can be added to the court record twice. same for the gloves

oh I had to get that book

There should be a timestamp when you arrive at Polly's office

That scene with Lynn was short and... kinda meh. We could've just met her in court in the lobby :P

I would make the nametage "Lynn & Amanda" or something instead of "Harmony"

nuuu I don't want to cross-examine her, let's just accept the testimony <3

at the beginning of the cross-examination there's an extraneous "- - -What I saw: my side- - -" frame

For some reason, the press convo for 'I watched her from a large set of bushes nearby... the two of them were to my right.' leads back to that statement rather than the next one o.O

Pressing "She ran in very suddenly, shouting something about "The Crone..."" redirects to the statement before it...

A lot of these presses don't redirect to the following statement >_> I think you'd better double check and fix them

When Polly asked about the gloves, he presented them when I hit "Yes"... I didn't actually have to present them ^^' Also there should be some sort of convo about them, and then something like Franzy asking Polly if he can actually show they were there before having Polly present them

We didn't really need that scene with Clarine ^^' In fact, you didn't really need that 3rd day of trial. You could've just had that defendant lobby happen while Franzy got Clarine to come to court

The lifebar doesn't stop flashing when you present the Ritual Book. Also, the autopsy report should also work as a proper present there (I mean, it's also about the wound)

Well she gave up quickly. Well, it was nice that she didn't try to blame Clair :P

I gave Franzy the knife so she could stab me. Why didn't she like it? D:



Anyway, it was 3 days of trial, but it felt really short. It was pretty basic, but it was well put-together. I'm sure you can put together some pretty good trials in the future :P

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Sat Feb 04, 2012 7:34 am
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