Another stolen borrowed game from another forum: Attack the next poster!

One poster launches an attack on the next poster. The next poster explains how they react and then launches an attack on the next poster, and so on.

Example:

Poster 1: I throw a sausage at the next poster.
Poster 2: I eat it out of the air.
I swing a sword at the next poster.
Poster 3: I put gloves on and snatch the blade from the air.
I throw the sword at the next poster.

And so on.

Rules:
No direct hits. Meaning: You cannot make the attack hit the next poster. Only the next poster may say whether or not it actually hits.
i.e., you can say "I swing a bat at the next poster," but you cannot say "I hit the next poster with a bat."

On the flipside of the same coin, you cannot simply dodge with no explanation. Try and be as creative as possible with your responses. I don't think that needs any examples, but be creative, guys.

Have fun!


I hire Phoenix Wright and sue the next poster for every penny they have.

I beat the sharks down with my bare hands. And a machete. Then I carve a hole in the tank and escape.

I swing a bloody, wet machete at the next poster.

I block it with a dead, bloody shark.

I throw a time paradox at the next poster.

I use my epic mind-power skills to redirect the attack to the ground.

I launch a telekinetic power wave at the next poster.

I throw my time paradox at it and both are eliminated in a world-shattering explosion.

I cause a world-shattering explosion for the next poster to deal with.

I teleport to Mars, which is safe from the explosion.

I send a Martian armada at the next poster.

I throw well-prepared A+ history essays, also in the form of shuriken, at the Fs to counteract their bad grades.

I release Chuck Norris to kill the next poster (whoever posts next will be DEAD. JUST. PLAIN. DEAD. Good luck with that.).

I summon Octimus Prime and have him send chuck norris into the farthest reaches of space.

Chuck Norris comes back in a fury rage and pulls some awesome chuck norris action

I stick out my leg, and Chuck Norris trips and dies when his skull cracks open.

I use Chuck Norris's corpse to smash the next poster.

I use my hylian shield to block the would-have-been fatal attack.

I unleash a nuke on the next poster

Once again I use the Hylian shield.

I have apollo justice sue the next poster for messing up his hair.