View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Wed Jun 19, 2013 12:17 am

Board index » Ace Attorney Online [English section] » Your Trials

All times are UTC + 2 hours


Forum rules


Please click here to view the forum rules



Reply to topic  Page 7 of 7
  [ 98 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Print view Previous topic | Next topic 
☆ Trial Series: Case Hunter William Opieed(2-1) OUT! 

Which New Character Do You Like Best?
Eve Olina 50%  50%  [ 2 ]
Almahn Loyn 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Yenecka Phobus 50%  50%  [ 2 ]
Jetame Phobus 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Dan Bleater 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
The Mysterious Man(The Cowboy) 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
The Other Mysterious Man(The Hobo) 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Ms. Thu 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 4

☆ Trial Series: Case Hunter William Opieed(2-1) OUT! 
Author Message
Meph
Traitor to the AAO crown
Traitor to the AAO crown
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:07 pm
Posts: 13235
Location: United Kingdom
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Post Re: ☆ Trial Series: Case Hunter William Opieed(2-1) OUT!
Tap wrote:
but do take note that some of the listed examples (i.e. time stamps) shall be covered under presentation. :)

Just as it should be. :XD:

_________________
Sun Jan 29, 2012 12:27 am
Profile
ZetaAzuel
User avatar

Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2011 5:16 am
Posts: 1781
Location: Lightning rushing through Ionia
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Post Re: ☆ Trial Series: Case Hunter William Opieed(2-1) OUT!
Tap wrote:
In accordance with the new QA Inspection Rules, I must ask:

Do you wish for one section of the report to cover, "Differences from AA games"? This is completely optional, but do take note that some of the listed examples (i.e. time stamps) shall be covered under presentation. :)


Sure you can go ahead and do that. Though I'm not to sure about how well I am with my timestamps :awesome:

_________________
Image

Zeta x Dio


~~Proud Son of Dypo deLina and Evolina deLuna~~
Sun Jan 29, 2012 12:30 am
Profile
Tap
Moderator

Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 9:01 am
Posts: 4365
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English, 日本語
Post Re: ☆ Trial Series: Case Hunter William Opieed(2-1) OUT!
☆ The QA Inspection has been prematurely ended. Please make the requested changes.

Hey, Zeta,

I'm going to have to regretably agree with Hodou Okappa's temporary suspension of his QA Inspection last year based on the same reasoning. Let me make it clear that The Spicy Turnabout from the first testimony in is shaping up to be probably one of the best 'tutorial', first cases I've seen on AAO in quite some time. The plot is wonderfully unique, with a fantastic set of custom assets to bring to life your characters in a way that reusing stock characters would not. The ideas you've come up with, especially the double defendants, isn't something I've had the pleasure of playing through before. However, it is the issue of proof-reading that has brought CHECK 1 to a temporary halt.

Hodou Okappa suspended his QA before passing it onto me because he felt that the trial desperately needed to be proof-read, as the number of errors is negatively impacting on the otherwise brilliant dialogue. I've been playing through the trial for the past hour and a half, and that time has been solely spent on the first testimony and the various press conversations simply noting down error after error... unfortunately, as I pointed out to Ping' in the Turnabout of Courage thread (as short of a post it may have been), QA Inspectors are not solely proof-readers. Proofreading is one aspect that we do cover in the Inspection, yes, but not to the degree that I have seen in the trial.

I cannot continue as I feel that every second frame I am writing down and making a correction instead of focusing on taking down notes of the other elements featured within the case, for example: characterisation, sound effects and the like. It is because of this that I have prematurely halted the QA, but make no mistake in thinking this is the end when it is not.

I would advise that you post or send a couple of PM's out to notable proof-readers around the forums. Once the trial has been suitably proofread, and you've made the corrections, I will restart the QA Inspection after being given notice. I'm very interested in seeing through the inspection as the trial has piqued my interest. There are elements in it that haven't been greatly explored on the site before... =)

Attached below is the proofreading notes that I have taken down:

Spoiler : :
There's one too many full stops in "....!" Change it to: "...!"
- Capitalise the second "mom" in "Mom... mom".
- Merge the frame "Mom... mom." with the following, "Mom?!"
- Rather odd repetition of words. "You are William Opied, correct?" "Yes..., correct"? Try not to end the following frame in the same manner. ^^'
- "Pauline, please calm down. I can assure you that we'll be just fine." This sentence begins on the 2nd line of the textbox.
- "Wha...Wah?" If an ellipsis is placed in the middle of a sentence, a space needs to be placed after it.
- It should be "Bailiff", not "Baliff"
- "And it will all be proven in 3 simple ways.Evidence..." There's no space between the full stop and "Evidence."
- "This is madness" sounds a bit better than "chaos."
- "(The bowl used to cook the steaks also had traces of saffron inside it. And the maid's fingerprints.)" You wouldn't say bowl. Steaks are cooked on a grill, most of the time.
- When William says "No reason, Your Honor" in the first press conversation, he's floating on the Judge's bench.
- "Completely and absolutely unnecessary! Why would it matter if the family was eating a a group!?" I believe you mean "as"?
- If you choose "Absolutely" in the first press conversation, William floats on the Judge's bench.
- Missing a full stop whenever evidence is added to the Court Record, e.g. "Steak Plate added to the Court Record"
- (When I got that evidence) "got" sounds awfully informal from what I'm reading of William's character. "received" sounds more of an apt fit.
- One doesn't say they "ingested" a "steak". You'd say that they ate one, yes. You would use ingest in the following example instance.

L1: The victim ordered, and ate a steak sprinkled with Saffron spice.
L2: The sprice he ingested triggered an acute allergic reaction.

- On the second statement, William's frame, "(...)", is missing his namebox.
- "You know, if you bothered to check, you'd notice how there are finger prints on the lid right!?" You're missing a comma.
- "Fine tell me then how you can have finger prints on the lid but not on the bottle!?" A bit of a punctuation mess this sentence is.
Let's edit it...

"Fine, then tell me how you can have fingerprints on the lid but not on the bottle itself!?"

- I thought the "He... he... he..." was him stammering with some word beginning with those first two letters. Change it to: "He, he,
he..." and add the "Idea" SFX plus a flash tag for maximum effect.
- " G-Gloves?" There's an unnecessary extra space at the beginning of this frame.
- Highlight "gloves" in the three frames (Sundae, William, Sundae) in orange/red text.
- "But couldn't open the lid with the gloves on. So instead she took off one of the gloves. And..." The rule of thumb when using
an ellipsis to run off a sentence is to start the continuing sentence in the following frame with an ellipsis as well. So...
"...But couldn't open the lid with the gloves on. So instead she took off one of the gloves. And..."
- Same issue in the following frame.
- "Finger prints" is meant to be one word.
- "NO! THERE WERE NO OTHER FINGER PRINTS THAN THE DEFENDANTS!" A bit of a grammatical error here. Just need to swap around
a word. "NO! THERE WERE NO FINGERPRINTS OTHER THAN THE DEFENDANTS!"
- In the following couple of frames, there is an ellipsis spacing issue. As I mentioned earlier, if an ellipsis does not begin or end a
sentence, then there must be a space directly after it.
- The next press conversation has a spelling error in the second frame. "barley" should be "barely."
- "How many steaks were made! "Made" doesn't really fit it... I mean, yes you can use it, but there are other verbs that
would be a better fit. "Cook", "barbeque", or rather, "grill."
- "..........Well my answer in that case then is..." One too many ellipses to start off the sentence plus a couple of missed instances
for a comma. Change it to: "...Well, my answer in that case then, is..."
- When Sundae's zoom sprite shows up, there's an extra space before "Right!?"
- "Oh really? Well then I suppose that I'll just wait for that time...INSERTand then...INSERTI'll strike!" Here is a
clear example of the ellipsis issue.
- "Yeah ...right ...anyway ...you can move on with your testimony." Ooh... this looks awkwardly phrased. Let's clean it up:
"Yeah... right. Anyway... you can move on with your testimony."
- It should be "co-counsel" rather than "co-counsil."
- "(.......Ok......)" Ooh... >< "(......Okay.)" A set of two ellipses are usually the most you should go. I also changed "Ok" to "Okay" since the latter has the effect of emphasising the detective's childish behaviour, already furthered by Meekins' sprites.
- "With information, however, a person can gain knowledge if they apply it in situations." Missing a comma~!
- "( A-Anyway...)" Extra space at the start.
- "Tell me if my math is correct. 3 -2 =1 correct?" "Tell me if my math is correct. 3 - 2 = 1 correct?" Space out the equations or remove the spaces in it altogether.
- "Look, if you want to learn math, you're in the wrong place. Another worthless question in my opinion." Added
the missing commas and changed "your" to "you're."
- "If 3 steaks were made, but one went uncooked, then where did it disappear to?" Re-worded the sentence slightly, and
also highlighted where you're missing a couple of commas.
- "I'll admit it probably wasn't the best idea to cook the steak. But it's irrelevant!" An extra space before "but"...
- "I think that's my decision to make.-" "I think that's my decision to make--"
- "No your honor. The defense doesn't believe that the cooking of the steak matters." "No, Your Honor. The defense
doesn't believe that the cooking of the steak matters."
- "Cooked Steak added into the Court Record." Forgot your capitalisation there, ;)
- "Witness, you may continue your testimony."

_________________
Image
Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:22 am
Profile
ZetaAzuel
User avatar

Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2011 5:16 am
Posts: 1781
Location: Lightning rushing through Ionia
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Post Re: ☆ Trial Series: Case Hunter William Opieed(2-1) OUT!
Thank you Tap for bringing this up again, though while both you and Hodou may have given me a rather sharp blown to both my ego and confidence it did teach me something rather important that I noteably just ignored. I was too hasty, I've regretably brushed that issue asside from myself. I probobly took too much pride in myself being able to write downmy ideas and then just script them and not go over them to make sure that what I wrote was sound and solid.

And now looking back, I probobly shouldn't have asked for this to be review for QA in the first place considering that even I knew that it was still flawed. Even after hearing it from a few other comunity members. I was in a rush, I suppose I couldn't help but want that little star right by the title that I kinda always dreamed of.

That all said and done, I proboboyly do ned to actually do some real work on this trial to make it worth of being featured, instead of just doing a few very miniscule changes and calling a revamp. So, I did talk to E.D. and we did decide that we were gonna work on fixing the trial. I probobly won't ask for a continueation of the review until we both agree that it's up to it's best potential.

Though, not to end it all off sounding pessamistic and all, I do thank you again for leaving a progress report. And for noticing the things that you did enjoy at least. Anyway, I'll probobly get back to work on this after I'm done with the trial comp. So I'll start getting to work on it then.

_________________
Image

Zeta x Dio


~~Proud Son of Dypo deLina and Evolina deLuna~~
Tue Jan 31, 2012 5:45 pm
Profile
Tap
Moderator

Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 9:01 am
Posts: 4365
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English, 日本語
Post Re: ☆ Trial Series: Case Hunter William Opieed(2-1) OUT!
Please don't feel as if I don't like the case when it is the opposite! I think that we have a wonderful first case here with a unique twist on events mxing with great OC characterisation... The only issue is that grammatical errors can put a damper on the enjoyability of a trial, which is what I felt when conducting the QA Inspection.

It's incredibly difficult to proofread your own work, since something you might write sounds good when you read/speak it, but to others, they can spot the mistake. This is why I made the recommendation, like Hodou, of an outside proofreader. I think E.D. is a great choice since his published trials are meticulous in regards to grammar and spelling... I would have also made the recommendation of Zeel, Gumpei, Bad Player and Huddini to name a few. =)

There's no problem in wanting to have your trial be featured -- achieving the shaded star can be treated as a reflection of your trial making capabilities, and is something to be proud of. I can relate that I've pushed too early for a trial, although as older members can remember, my first 'featured' trial was of subpar quality, 1/4 the lenth of Spicy and chock-a-block full of grammatical and spelling errors... ^^

I look forward to continuing the QA Inspection once you've made the necessary changes.

_________________
Image
Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:59 am
Profile
E.D.Revolution
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:00 pm
Posts: 4999
Location: Across dimensions, transcending universes
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English and decent Spanish
Post Re: ☆ Trial Series: Case Hunter William Opieed(2-1) OUT!
I have to apologize for this. Both Zeta I haven't made too much progress in terms of editing the trial before the 2nd QA. But like Zeta said, we're working to improve on it. Not just on grammar, but also tweaking the story and characters slightly.

Oh, Zeta. I noticed there's a LOT of collaborators for this trial. I know from experience that when it comes to collaborations, less is more. I recommend you cut down on the number of collaborators to 1 or 2 partners that will really help look for errors in the trial. I'll start looking for more proofreading errors as my earliest convience.

_________________
Image






My featured series: Mia Fey: Ace Spirit Attorney
Image
Credits to Tap for this awesome logo!
Case: 1 FEATURED! ★ | 2-1 2-2 2-3 2-4 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
On Hiatus, transferring to PyWright
Wed Feb 01, 2012 8:03 pm
Profile
Wooper
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 31, 2010 2:31 am
Posts: 932
Location: My Pokeball!
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English, un peu de français
Post Re: ☆ Trial Series: Case Hunter William Opieed(2-1) OUT!
E.D.Revolution wrote:
Oh, Zeta. I noticed there's a LOT of collaborators for this trial. I know from experience that when it comes to collaborations, less is more. I recommend you cut down on the number of collaborators to 1 or 2 partners that will really help look for errors in the trial. I'll start looking for more proofreading errors as my earliest convience.

yeah, you can probably cut me out. I really don't have much of a point anymore :wink:

_________________
† I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior and am proud of it! Copy and paste this if you are too.†
I love My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic and I'm proud of it! Paste this into your sig if you are too!
Image
Currently Playing:
Starting Umineko
Wed Feb 01, 2012 11:31 pm
Profile
ZetaAzuel
User avatar

Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2011 5:16 am
Posts: 1781
Location: Lightning rushing through Ionia
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Post Re: ☆ Trial Series: Case Hunter William Opieed(2-1) OUT!
Hehe... well alright, it's obviously going to take some time to clean this thing up, but I'm sure that I'll be able to do it with some good help.

_________________
Image

Zeta x Dio


~~Proud Son of Dypo deLina and Evolina deLuna~~
Thu Feb 02, 2012 12:12 am
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   Page 7 of 7
  [ 98 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Board index » Ace Attorney Online [English section] » Your Trials

All times are UTC + 2 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google Adsense [Bot], TheMan and 3 guests

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
Designed by ST Software for PTF.