I'll have to look back at my notes, because I can't remember what it was, either.
This is what I'd written in my notes:
- - - - - - - -
Larry was driving. The car he was driving is British. Angel was stabbed on the left of her body and it punctured her left kidney. It's a contradiction in court, because they think Larry was driving in an American car, where he would drive on the right. It was Matt Engarde who stabbed her while hiding in the car.
Neil wasn't at the crime scene investigating, because he hadn't been channelled yet by Misty Fey. Jake asked Misty to channel him.
Joe Darke is Matt Engarde's father. Matt's mother got his name legally changed after Joe was imprisoned.
Day 1 - Trial Testimony 1 – Regarding what happened. There was a contradiction in the photo.
Testimony 2 – Regarding the motive and the proof that the murder was premeditated.
Day 1 - Investigation We find out that:
Maya is watching TV and sees that Matt has escaped from jail.
Ms. Starr left her lunch boxes (and the kitchen knife) at the back of Larry's car.
Neil is not at the investigation, nor was he at the previous one.
Maya is kidnapped by Engarde while at the crime scene. Phoenix doesn't notice she's gone.
There's lots of blood in the back of the car (this was caused by Engarde when he was loading the body into the car).
Jake is a forensic investigator.
Phoenix thinks that Jake is dressing up as Neil (although it's not true).
Phoenix WOULD be dumb enough to notice his own assistant missing, wouldn't he...
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Bad Player wrote:
Yes, that's exactly correct. The purpose of the test is to test whether you have an understanding of the material, not if you've simply memorized it and can regurgitate it. In fact, I'm sure the reason he put the 'trick questions' on the test was in order to see who understood the material and was paying attention and who was simply memorizing facts without taking the time and effort to actually understand them.
Thu Dec 08, 2011 1:14 am
Meph
Traitor to the AAO crown
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:07 pm Posts: 13188 Location: United Kingdom
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Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 12:14 am Posts: 1928 Location: Empire Pork Building, His Highness's Treasure Room.
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Sorry for necropost, but it was awesome! I think I know what happened!
Spoiler : I Dunno If Real Plot But Just in Case, Don't Open! :
dressed up like Neil for court. It's impossible for Neil to have been channeled as he would have been in the medium's body, which he wasn't! I don't know what Engarde has to do with it, but whatever.
Was I right? Do I get a cookie? Probably not as you said it was abandoned. You know what, just gimme my cookie!
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Sat Dec 24, 2011 10:53 pm
Meph
Traitor to the AAO crown
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:07 pm Posts: 13188 Location: United Kingdom
Gender: Male
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I'm glad you liked it, even if it's subpar to what I can write now. I'm afraid you were wrong. Jake used his influence to find Misty. I can't remember what I had planned after that. Scroll up to see everything I had in my notes.
Bad Player's Big Fat Glo--wait that's Hodou's shtick
Omg necro!! Welp. This is a practice QA for Meph's Turnabout of the Wild West to prove my worth as a QA inspector!!!! I've never played it before, so... let's goooooooooo! (along with some overly dramatic music for good measure)
Spoiler : Presentation and bugs :
I think a flash right before the "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" in the intro would be nice
Nick's mouth talks during "(There's no need to freak out, Your Honor.)"
Same during "(I'm not going to even try to explain.)"
And... well, it seems like Nick's mouth is always moving when he's thinking
In the description of the knife, it should be "bears" rather than "bares"
The description of the autopsy report should be something like "Angel Starr's autopsy report. Press 'Check' to view." All the actual info should just be in the report rather than the description.
Using red tags causes the text to appear instantly. If you want the text to appear properly, you need to use a few merged frames, where each frame is one color
You need a "TAKE THAT!" when you point out the contradiction in the photo. (And honestly, I think "pointing out" the contradiction is a bit silly in this instance; you could easily just have Nick go right into the explanation)
You need a "TAKE THAT!" when Nick presents the autopsy report, too.
The cell phone is visible while the investigation is loading
The TV text should be green (make sure to set the blips to male or female so it doesn't turn into typewriter!) and the nametag should be "TV" or something
No nametag on "(Engarde?)" (and it should have a shocked sfx or something). There's also a blank frame after that one.
There's a blank frame after St. Martin Street's timestamp.
No nametag on "(Wait... does it really matter what type of ladder it is?)"
The "Something Else" convo in the Detention Center needs to be removed (or actually made into something xP)
Instead of "???", you could use "Chief" or something for the Police Chief's nametag.
If you do the convo multiple times, you can get the backseat photo and the blood analysis "added" multiple times
We should still be able to go to the Police Station and Detention Center after Engarde calls.
The knife case gets added to the CR when you mean to add the basket
Spoiler : Writing and characterization :
I would start off with Nick and Maya greeting each other; it would only need an extra frame or two at the very beginning.
I feel like Larry should be a bit more... sad and emotional about his girlfriend's death. (Look at how he was acting in 1-1.)
How did the judge hear Nick's explanation of who Neil is? Also that "I'll explain later" line from Nick seems pretty unnecessarily, considering he explains 2 frames later.
"(I was wondering when he would start speaking like a cowboy.)" Hasn't Neil been speaking like a cowboy the entire time? ^^"
So we get a gigantic contradiction in terms of where Starr was sitting and where her wound was, and... we just ignore it and move on? Marshall needs to come up with a bit more of a rebuttal of "prove one minor piece of your theory. oh, you can't? then we're just going to ignore the legitimate points you brought up."
If Larry and Starr were going shopping together... how did Larry "find out" about it? Oh well, it was a really flimsy excuse of a motive anyway.
I feel like you could use a lot more "!"s in general.
Court was only half an hour? I know it wasn't long, but it felt longer than that...
How come Maya doesn't know who Neil is? Didn't she see Udgey freak out over a ghost in court?
No examine convo for Charley? D:
Gummy saying he'll kill Engarde seems a bit excessive to me.
Nick goes "Larry!!!" when he first goes to the Detention Center... but why is he so surprised? ^^"
I don't think Jake ever called Nick "bambina" (wasn't that his name for Ema?) Also, I think Jake was Neil's younger brother.
I feel like Jake should have a bigger reaction to hearing his brother is back from the dead...
Spoiler : Proofreading and clarification :
"Well what were you expecting when you sent me a letter? They don't materialise in the letter box instantly!" 4 lines (also "materialize," AA takes place in Japanifornia after all!)
So how does Maya know about the case if Nick just got the letter so late? (Also silly Larry, not signing his name on his letters... ^^")
The saying is "When something smells, it's usually the Butz"
"The defense is... is..."
"He was driving and she was in the passengers seat to his left." British car wat (he we go back to 2-2)
"Before you do, Mr. Marshall, wouldn't it be wise to submit the knife and the autopsy report into the Court Record?" 4 lines
"The defendant's fingerprints were found on the knife.
"And that's why you're done for, partner. You might as well pack your bags and hop on the steam train." 4 lines
"What part of this photo contradicts, "Because Mr. Butz was driving, he had an easy shot at the victim."" 4 lines (and should have a question mark at the end)
Wait, earlier you said that Larry was driving, and Starr was in the seat to the left. So wasn't it a British car? And isn't that the steering wheel in the seat next to Starr? Whatever happened to this?!
"It would have been impossible for my client to have reached the defendant's left kidney from where he was sitting." 4 lines
"Well if it wasn't your client that stabbed her, then who did? There was no one else in that car."
"The victim would always go shopping. She would always use the defendant's money to purchase items." 4 lines
"Luckily, he had enough money to pay for it. He had a massive salary!"
"(Poor Gumshoe. If his salary gets any lower, he won't have enough money to drink from a water fountain.)" 4 lines
"Why does that matter? The defendant's girlfriends have taken advantage of him throughout the years." 4 lines
"Ms. Starr would have put up a fight if Larry tried to stab her, so there's no way he could stab her with that knife." 4 lines
"You're absolutely correct, Mr. Marshall. I was so deluded by the defense's confidence, I didn't notice that." 4 lines
"Even though I have no proof that the knife belongs to Ms. Starr, there is no proof that it belongs to my client either." 4 lines
"It's just that you seemed like you were doing so well at first, Nick, but then you completely messed up!" 4 lines
"(Maya doesn't know about Neil Marshall. She left to have spiritual training, leaving me to solve the case on my own.)" 4 lines
"Yes. I was. The case was connected to another case called "SL-9", which happened years before it." 4 lines
"No. There's no way. In the Kurain Village, we have an list with everyone who was channeled recently." 4 lines
"Nick?! What's all this channeling stuff you're talking about?"
"I think that Mia got that painting from a client while she still lived. I don't know what it's called, but I think it's fairly valuable." 4 lines
"(Neil hasn't been seen in either investigation, but Jake has. I wonder...)"
"If I the number back to the predict, we can use it to trace the location of the phone that the number belongs to!" 4 lines
Spoiler : Sprites and graphics :
Neil's sprites look kind of small to me... I don't think there's actually too much you can do about that, though ^^"
On the "Right then Detective Dumshoe, do you have any evidence to show to this here court?" frame Neil keep's talking even after he finishes speaking. I don't know if this is because you set it that way in the frame or because you forgot to upload Neil's blinking sprite for that pose, though. (Actually, since you have the same problem a few frames later with the same pose, my hunch is that you forgot to upload Neil's non-talking sprite for that gun-hand-pointing-thing pose.)
On the frame before "Your fun and games are over now, Mr. Wright. The sheriff's in town now.", there was a weird frame where Nick was at the prosecutor's bench.
When Nick is thinking and you want to use the hands-on-desk sprite, make sure you select "skip start-up sprite" so he doesn't do the desk-slam animation
The image for St. Martin's Street is a bit... ^^"
The image for the back seats of the car is the same as the regular photo of the car
Spoiler : Music and sound effects :
Some sort of music and/or sfx in the prologue would probably make it feel a bit better. Something a bit suspenseful... (I feel like it could be a bit overused, but maybe the Ghost Trick intro?)
You need a deskslam sfx when Nick says "Neil Marshall died years ago!"
You could use a bit more "Shocked" and "Shouting" and "Waaaah" sfx in general. It's a matter of opinion, and I can't list every single frame I think it'd be good on, but pay special attention to the frames that end in exclamation marks xP
And don't forget "Huh?" when a question is asked, "Idea" when something new is brought up, and "Oops" when someone does something wrong/bad
I'd suggest using the JFA Detention Center theme at the Detention Center rather than the AAI Reminiscence
There's no sfx when you add the knife case to the CR.
Now then, taking everything into account, my verdict is...
Spoiler : VERDICT :
☆ The QA inspection is complete. This case is not good enough become a featured case. Sorry!
...However, that being said, I think this trial is pretty close. If you can do the following things, I think you should have no problems getting it featured with another QA:
Finish it
Fix the typos and 4-liners
Clean up the technical stuff I pointed out (like missing "TAKE THAT!"s, blank frames, etc)
Add sfx. Lots and lots of sfx!
Get a graphic for the photo of the back seat of the car, and a better photo for St. Martin Street if possible
Revamp the dialogue a bit in the places I pointed out. Especially when Nick points out the first contradiction and the transition to the second testimony.
The trial isn't bad. It's just that there were a few too many errors for my liking. (Plus it's incomplete ^^") It'll take a bit of elbow grease, but I really do think you can get this trial into great shape and get it QA'd the second time without much trouble.
So is this your standard test trial review...thingy then?
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Mon Jan 07, 2013 2:18 pm
Meph
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dressed up like Neil for court. It's impossible for Neil to have been channeled as he would have been in the medium's body, which he wasn't! I don't know what Engarde has to do with it, but whatever.
